Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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