I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
