have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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