What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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