i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
