im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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