some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize