I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
