So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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