This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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