I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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