just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
