if i can run in heels then i can drive
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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