don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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