"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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