Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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