He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
