Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize