i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
