I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
