I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
