At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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