Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
bring money and cleavage
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
