You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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