goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize