I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
