I think I won the penis lottery.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
