I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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