I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
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I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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