Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize