Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
