She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
