and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
