well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
