last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
