So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
