once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
