You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
