I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
