You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
