Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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