Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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