had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
