That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
