How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
