he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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