Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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