:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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