My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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