I wish my penis had an off switch
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
