Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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