I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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