Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
