Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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