there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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