He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
