so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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